This is the first drawing of a 5-part series called “The Women He Told Me He Wanted to Bang”. 🛬🍆 This series goes out to the musician who felt the need to tell me about *every* woman he’d seen on MTV at home that day while I was at work, and whether he thought they were worthy of the attention of his stoned, broke, dirty dick. 🍆🚿💤 Today’s entry is Fiona Apple, who I’m certain would have had even less interest in paying his Guitar Center bill than I did. 🍏🙄🍏.


This is the guitar of the guy who didn’t pick up a single dinner check for a year while he sat unemployed on my couch playing video games, and after he got a job and picked up *one* check, the next time we went out he said, “I got the last one, so it’s your turn to pick up the check.”


This snare drum belongs to the guy who asked me to drive to the bank with $300 to cover all the bad checks he was going to bounce that week, and when we left the bank he said he couldn’t wait to get his paycheck on Friday so he could buy the new Playstation.  I said, “How about you pay me back that $300 first?” and he said, “You don’t get to tell me what to do with my money, okay MOM?” and then pouted for the rest of the evening.