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This guitar belongs to the guy who claimed he was turned into a vampire after he signed what he thought was a joke contract with a lady who actually turned out to be a demon!!!  She tricked him!!!  Now he was really a vampire because the contract was REAL!!!  (Also, “joke contracts” are not a thing.  Sure, neither are vampires and demons, but I’m willing to let those go because the concept of a “joke contract” is by far the dumbest and least believable part of his story.)

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This keyboard belongs to the guy who would walk into a party, point at someone he’d never met and say, “Five biggest musical influences.  GO.”  Then he would argue with them that they were wrong about every artist or band they named – unless they happened to include Dream Theater on their list. Because *that* happens.

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This guitar pedal belongs to the guy who red-faced screamed at everyone at the open mic night for not coming inside to listen to his cover of Nine Inch Nails “Hurt”, and then yelled, “You know what?! Fuck you, losers!” as he skidded his scooter’s tires off the sidewalk and rode away.