These egg-shakers are the ego of the dirty, jobless, homeless frontman who told me that I was lucky that he had taken pity on someone like me by asking me out. A month later, I mentioned a couple of job ads I’d seen that sounded perfect for him, and he ugly-cried and told me to stop being mean to him.


This guitar amp belongs to the guy who tells everyone about the time he “went on tour” across Europe, but what he’s really referring to is his Christian high school’s week-long senior retreat twenty years ago where his dad was the chaperone.