This is the first drawing of a 5-part series called “The Women He Told Me He Wanted to Bang”. 🛬🍆 This series goes out to the musician who felt the need to tell me about *every* woman he’d seen on MTV at home that day while I was at work, and whether he thought they were worthy of the attention of his stoned, broke, dirty dick. 🍆🚿💤 Today’s entry is Fiona Apple, who I’m certain would have had even less interest in paying his Guitar Center bill than I did. 🍏🙄🍏.


This is the guitar of the guy who didn’t pick up a single dinner check for a year while he sat unemployed on my couch playing video games, and after he got a job and picked up *one* check, the next time we went out he said, “I got the last one, so it’s your turn to pick up the check.”


This guitar belongs to the guy who borrowed my brand new car one time, lost my gas cap, and said, “God – I’m sure you can get a new one cheap!” and then never mentioned it again. It was a newly released model, so I could only get a replacement from the dealer.