“This Indenture of Mortgage is for some reason between me and an unemployed drummer’s mother’s mortgage company because I wasn’t able to make his car payment for him that month, so his mother made it instead, so he said the “least” I could do was make her house payment for her since now she was going to be short.”

“P.S. It is important to note, I didn’t live there, dick. 🍆”


This guitar belongs to the guy who borrowed my brand new car one time, lost my gas cap, and said, “God – I’m sure you can get a new one cheap!” and then never mentioned it again. It was a newly released model, so I could only get a replacement from the dealer.


These egg-shakers are the ego of the dirty, jobless, homeless frontman who told me that I was lucky that he had taken pity on someone like me by asking me out. A month later, I mentioned a couple of job ads I’d seen that sounded perfect for him, and he ugly-cried and told me to stop being mean to him.